About Danielle Zack

http://www.sexyandsuccessfulmommas.com

Posts by Danielle Zack:

I Love Watching You Play

I Love Watching You Play

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I love watching you play.

I love seeing the little gears turning inside of
your head as you discover new things and
take yourself on fun adventures.

I love seeing who you will decide to be today.

A chef. A firefighter. A veterinarian. A builder. A parent. A teacher.
A hairstylist. A doctor. A pilot. A boat captain. A superhero…

I love listening to the certainty of possibility in your tales.
You are not wishing for or imagining anything. Your story
is reality, unfolding right now. It is all happening as you create it.

I love watching you play because my wish is for you
to have everything you want out of this life. And, as
you are playing, your every wish is coming true.
If you can think it…It is yours.

That is the world I want for you.
A world where you are invincible.

From the moment I knew you were arriving, I dreamt
about everything that you would be. The things you
would do and who you would become.

I still have dreams about everything you are going to achieve.
Sometimes, I think I know better than you.
That my dreams for you are better than yours.

But, the best part of being your mom, is every time that
you prove me wrong. Every time that you show me you are
going to do it your way – that you are the one who knows best.

Because then, I get to sit back and watch you play some more.
I get to see you creating the story of your life…

The very best story of all.

Loved and Appreciated

Loved and Appreciated

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For all of the snuggles, cuddles and kisses that a Momma receives,
there certainly seem to be an equal amount of pouts, whines and
eye rolls that shoot our way.

A mom’s job of pissing someone off is never done.

They honestly think we enjoy it.

They think we’re sadistic monsters sucking all of the fun out of life.
Because…we’re always stuck doing the miserable things no one else
wants to do. So, ‘of course’ we want our dearest loves to be miserable too!

One giant sad and miserable family.

Don’t they know that is what we’ve dreamt of since we were little girls?

To be a drop dead GORGEOUS princess in a HUGE castle with AMAZING shoes all while raising a beautifully MISERABLE family.  All of the things dreams are made of…

They see us as the terrible tyrant that makes them
eat veggies and do chores while taking away their
technology time (since that’s a thing now).

But, what we see is the REAL wizard behind the curtain.

The woman frantically pulling levers and pushing buttons trying to
put on an impressively important show so she can be taken seriously.
All the while, what she really wants, is for her kids to use their brains
and their hearts and to realize that all she’s trying to do is to help them
grow into happy, healthy, non-asshole human beings.

They just want to paint us green and stick us on a broom.
Why?
Why is it always ME vs.THEM?

Because I haven’t given them reason for it to be any other way.
Because I apologize and feel guilty when THEY are unhappy.
Because I bargain and compromise what I want.
Because I don’t stand confident and respectful of myself.
So, why would they treat me any different?

Maybe, it’s not ME vs.THEM at all.
Maybe, it’s just ME vs. ME.
Maybe, if a momma wants to feel loved and appreciated,
all she has to do is love and appreciate herself.

Even if they don’t always appreciate me, I always appreciate
the person that I am helping them become.

The Invincible Mom

The Invincible Mom

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What’s my least favorite part of being a mom?

Always being the giant buzz kill.

But someone has to do it.

They’re all crazy, rambunctious weirdos.
If I weren’t the voice of reason, the crazy train would’ve ran off the tracks long ago.
Probably crashing and bursting into a giant ball of flames.

Plus, isn’t it my job?

Corralling the craziness…Keeping everyone focused and on task…
Making sure no one loses an eye…or limb…or vital organ.

I resent having to be this person. I resent feeling like I’m killing the joy.
I resent the looks of disappointment that shoot my way when
I walk into the room, “Uh oh…Mom’s here!”

Why have I become this person?

Because I let fear win. I let fear tell me that having too much fun or
being too silly is dangerous. I let fear convince me that laughter and
giggles quickly turn into chaos.

I let fear tell me that I could lose the things I hold most precious if
I don’t keep them reigned in.

Despite my best efforts to be the destroyer of fun, my kids continue
to taunt me and poke holes in my patience. They’re chiseling away
at my rocky exterior of responsibility.

Their relentless craziness breaks me down. When I finally stop trying
to patch their holes with stern words and my serious mom-face, what
seeps through the cracks is something pretty spectacular…

I remember that we are all here just to have fun. We’re all here to do
silly things and make stupid mistakes and learn. We’re here to laugh
and make messes and figure out how to fix things that are accidentally broken.

My children are trying to remind me that
being silly is one of life’s most precious gifts.

Because when we’re silly instead of serious, life flows.
Everything is fun and figure-out-able.
Problems and stresses matter way less and we stop to
simply enjoy being with one another.

Silliness becomes invincibility for a few moments.

And I finally become the mom that I want to be.

Mommy Guilt

Mommy Guilt

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There are a lot of things that no one tells us before we become a mom.
Things that we really wish someone would have mentioned.

Some of these things probably go unsaid because they are simply inexplicable.
Like, the way that our hearts crack wide open to uncover new depths of love that
we never dreamt we would be capable of feeling.

While other things probably go unsaid because the already-moms know that new-moms
would never join them on this crazy journey if they told the truth about certain things.
Like, the way we’ll try to catch our child’s throw up or poop in our own hands at some point.
Or, how humiliating it feels to apologize to the neighbors when your child is caught peeing in their yard.

The really big secret, though, the whopper that no one prepares us for is ‘Mommy Guilt’.

‘Mommy Guilt’ is the most intense, nerve wracking, sanity-eating guilt that a person can experience.‘
Mommy Guilt’ is the gnawing fear that lives in the back of each mother’s brain that constantly taunts us:

“Do you even know what you’re doing?”
“How do you know that was the best decision?”
“You’re screwing up your kid. Look! She has your worst qualities.”
“There is going to be some serious therapy happening in their future.”
“Life isn’t about you! Who cares if you’re tired and you haven’t peed in
three days. You’ll have plenty of time to pee 18 years from now.”

‘Mommy Guilt’ is our Kryptonite. No one warns us about it, but we learn all about it pretty quickly.
I was schooled particularly fast. The moment I found out that there was a baby growing inside me,
I felt guilty that I had put her there. You see, I was eighteen. Fresh out of high school. I didn’t even
have a home of my own, let alone a life that was in order.

The ‘Mommy Guilt’ screamed at me:

“How can YOU give her the home and the life she deserves?”
“What have you done to this child who isn’t even here yet?”
“She deserves better than you.”

Then the day came. My baby arrived!

The ‘Mommy Guilt’ grew more and more each day because the reality set in that I really didn’t know
what I was doing. Plus, the decisions. They ask you to make about a million and one decisions within
the first few hours and days of your child’s life. Most of which they make you feel will be life-altering
decisions for your child. The kind of decisions that will determine the difference between raising a
Doogie Houser or a Bevis or Butt Head.

No Pressure.

Fast forward a few years to when I’m 23. I give birth to my second daughter. Four and a half years of
mommy experience means that this should be a piece of cake by now. No. The ‘Mommy Guilt’ compounds.
Because, I am still flying by the seat of my pants and I now have two human beings to potentially screw up.

It was at 23 that I realized something, though. I was the same age that my mother was when she had me.
She might have been just as young, but she knew exactly what she was doing, didn’t she? Of course, she did!
Because she has always been my rock. The person who has helped me make decisions and know what is best.
She has always had all the answers. Hasn’t she?

I noticed something interesting. My daughters look at me the same way I always looked at my mother…The wise,
all-knowing oracle that I could always depend on for guidance. The one who gave me peace and comfort.

Was it possible? Yes, even she, my wonderful mother, felt the pain of mommy guilt gnawing at her.
Even she doubted and questioned herself all the time, hoping she was doing the right thing for her kids.

But, I never saw it. I never even knew.

There is something incredible in realizing that my kids don’t see my guilt and insecurities either.
They just see their mom, busy doing things for them and making decisions out of love.

They just see me. Wanting the very best for them.

One day, they might become mothers themselves. Then they’ll know my secret. They’ll know that
I’ve just been making all of this up as I go along. They’ll discover what ‘Mommy Guilt’ is and they’ll
feel that nerve-wracking pressure. But, I hope that they’ll know that the guilt is simply a sign of love.
A sign that they love their children so much, that they will never stop trying to be better and do better
for them. Even if they are just making it all up as they go along.

 

*As featured in Listen to Your Mother Chicago 2017
My Children Suffer from ‘Whine’usitus. Finding a Cure.

My Children Suffer from ‘Whine’usitus. Finding a Cure.

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workingtogether

 

There is nothing that I hate more than whining.

13 years of parenting has taught me this. It’s like nails on a chalkboard. I feel that if I taught you how to speak, you could do me the decency of communicating without all of the dramatics.

There has been an ongoing whining struggle with my eight year old for about the past, well, eight years. Just when I think we’re out of the woods she likes to remind me that we’re not (children really are little evil geniuses sometimes).

I’ve tried being the patient, understanding, over-loving mother.
I’ve tried being the tough, intolerant, not-happening-in-my-house mother.
I’ve tried the ‘this is really a first world problem’ guilt trips.
I’ve tried convincing her that my tombstone is going read “Death by Whining”.

Nothing. Has. Worked.

At least not as a cure for this ridiculous problem.

Yesterday morning, whining was in full swing.

As soon as I told her it was time to get off the couch, get dressed, and eat breakfast because we were leaving soon for her vocal lesson – she went full-blown whiner on me:

 “I don’t know what I want for breakfast.” (Said in the most pathetic whining tone you can imagine)
 

This is the part where I ran through all of my usual unsuccessful tactics:

“It’s fine if you don’t know. Not a big deal. Just take a few minutes to think about it.”

*more whining*

“Stop. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You can talk to me without whining and being disrespectful”

*more whining*

“You’re pretty lucky to be faced with the problem of so many options for breakfast that you don’t know which one to choose.”

*more whining*

“You’re killing me smalls! I have ZERO patience for this. I’m just trying to help you get ready for your vocal lesson. I’d be happy to still be in bed right now.”

 

Here is where my epiphany set in…

I SOUND LIKE A COMPLETE A-HOLE PARENT!
 

Hi. My name is Danielle and I have a problem.
I dance around in repetitious cycles of insanity
with my children. Thinking that if I just keep
dancing, the insanity will somehow end one day.


Whining is not the problem.
My child’s attitude is not the problem (well…not entirely).
 

The problem is that we both have come to believe that this is normal. This ridiculous back-and-forth between us. As if pushing against one another is what we’re supposed to do.
 

“I don’t want to argue and work against you”, I told her. “That’s not what I’m supposed to do. My job is to help you. I want to help you get whatever it is that you want to eat. I want you to get dressed in the clothes that you want to wear today. I want to you to make it to your vocal lesson on time so that you can go sing the song you’ve been practicing every day. We’re a team. Partners. I love you like crazy and I want to help you get everything it is that you want.”
 

A completely different child responded to me.

We quickly figured out what she wanted for breakfast. She got dressed quickly (which is another process that tends to be a morning nightmare) and she was ready to go with plenty of time to spare.

Is she cured of the whining disease?

No.

There was definitely complaining and push back when she was asked to do her chores later in the day. But, all in all, we are in a better place. Mostly, because I’m taking a different perspective –We’re always on the same team!

I know they won’t always respond positively. I have a hunch that my 13 year old is going to be more difficult than my 8 year old pretty soon.

Regardless of how my children are behaving and responding to me, I’m committed to helping them realize that this back and forth isn’t normal and it isn’t how we love each other.

I’m probably going to have to remind them of that regularly.
And that’s ok.
Because I love them like crazy.
Even though they drive me crazy.


Here’s to not settling for the things that we don’t want and always finding a better way.

 

 

Much love to you, Sexy Momma.

Danielle
xoxo

 

 

What Every Mom Needs to Hear About the Election of Donald Trump

What Every Mom Needs to Hear About the Election of Donald Trump

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To say that the world was rocked by the United States presidential election this week would be an understatement. There are deep and emotionally charged reactions being felt by everyone – whether you are happy with the outcome or not. We have questions, lots of questions, about what this means for our country. Especially, as we watch some of the events that are transpiring in the aftermath of this election.

One thing I know is that in all of this, there is a HUGE take away for us moms. A lesson -revelation if you will- that we would be crazy to ignore. This election, no matter how you feel about it, has given us a moment of incredible opportunity.

 

 

 

Watch below as I explain this important revelation:

 

 

Make sure your children see their mother creating change on a regular basis. Even if it is simply changing the furniture in a room so that it flows better for your family. Ask them regularly what they would like to change in their own lives -or how they might like to touch the lives of others through positive change.

 

We must show our children, and ourselves, that change is something we create. It is grown out of our dreams and desires for a better life and a better world.

 

All My Love,
 

Danielle
xoxo

 

Here is the link to Russel Brand's video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3Ou5uFFn8Q

 

It's that fleeting moment, when I remember my little love that climbed those steps last year, which hits my heart hard.

Back to School

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It's that fleeting moment, when I remember my little love that climbed those steps last year, which hits my heart hard.As I watched you walk up the steps of the big yellow school bus, I wondered where summer had gone.

Are we standing here again? Already?!?

I pictured the ice cream dripping down your face and arms as you anxiously tried to eat your cone before it melted in the hot sun.

I pictured your toes wiggling in the wet sand and your sea shell adorned sand castles.

I laughed to myself as I pictured you giggling on the park swing.

I’m going to miss the lazy days of summer.

Sitting in our pajamas and snuggling with your bed head until it was almost noon.

Deciding every morning what that day’s adventures were going to be.

Having a movie night in the middle of the week.

The smell of sunblock and the summer breeze.


Has it been a whole year since we stood here? Embarking again on the First Day of School…
 

You, all smiles with your brand new gear, and me, fighting back tears as I watch you climb each bus step.

Then you turn, flash your silly excited smile at me and wave. Now I’m really struggling to hold it together!

Not just because I’m going to miss you, not just because I will worry, but mostly because I am so proud of you.

You are not the kid who stepped onto that bus a year ago. You have grown smarter, stronger and wiser since the last ‘First Day of School’. You are ready for your new adventure and you are taking it on without reservation.

I’ll be ready too, I’m just going to need a few extra days to get used to the idea.

Watching you grow means the world to me. My heart could not be prouder.

It’s that fleeting moment, when I remember my little love who climbed those steps last year, which hits my heart hard. I grieve her cute little face for a moment because I know she is now a part of my memory. A more brilliant young girl stands in her place.

I wave back at you and say, “Have fun! I love you!”

My heart stops for a second when you say, “I love you too.”

This is going to be a great year for you. I am excited to watch you grow.

I manage to hold it together until the bus pulls out of view. I have my moment – the tears flow. Then I take a deep breath, dry my tears, and spend the rest of the day keeping busy while you linger in the back of my mind. Until the big yellow bus pulls up, you walk down the steps and tell me all about your new adventures.

mothers day

A Letter to My Mom on Mother’s Day

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mothers day

You always made Motherhood look so easy…
 

There was never a question you couldn’t answer.
There was never a sadness you could not ease.
There was never a need you couldn’t fulfill.
There was never a problem you could not solve.
 

It didn’t matter which crazy situation life set on my path or what predicaments I found myself in…you always had graceful words and solutions. Even when I felt like the world was crashing down around me, your words and embrace put my world back into order – every time.

Even when I knew life was throwing you your own curveballs, you were still there for me. Coaching me on how to hit mine out of the park.

Were you ever fearful or uncertain?
 

What about that week I spent in the hospital as my little body was poked and tested to find out what was going on inside of me?

         I only remember your strength and comfort assuring me that
        we would get answers and that everything would be alright.

What about the time when my teenage self was so mad at you that I wasn’t talking to you much?

         You never once showed me disdain – only love.

What about the time when I told you your 18 year old daughter was having a baby?

         You shed some tears with me, and then walked me through
        everything I needed to know as a mommy-to-be.

 

Now you’re a grandma…and you make that look so easy too.

Grandma holding her granddaughter.

You held and soothed both of your new granddaughters with an ease of expertise.

You listened to all of my crazed ‘new mommy’ questions and gave me eloquent answers – without judgement.

You have never told me that my kids are brats or that I am doing anything wrong, you laugh and tell me how I was just like them, once upon a time.

You always know what to do and say to make your granddaughters feel cherished and loved. Whether it is surprise notes and packages in the mail, or fun traditions you create on your visits – they feel like the center of your world when they are with you.

I have called you scared and I have called you in tears. Never once have you told me that I am losing my shit and need to get it together. You still offer up your calming words to put my world back into order again.
 

I have always known, with certainty, that everything would be ok, because I have my mom beside me, and she has been unwavering my entire life.
 

It’s funny, I now realize that some of the insecurities I have as a mom exist because of the perfect mom you have been for me. Your shoes seem mighty big to fill. Then I remember that everything I know about being a mom I have learned from you, my greatest teacher. When something comes up that I don’t know how to handle, I have the best resource by my side.

It may take me awhile to fill your shoes Mom, but I know I’ll get there. I have you guiding me every step of the way.
 

I Love You Mom.

Thank you for loving me into the woman and mother I am today.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

Danielle

Happy Mothers Day: I Love You So Much

Honoring Mom: A Mother’s Day Reflection

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Mother’s Day is a few days away! It is a day of celebration and gratitude, as we reflect upon our mothers and the great impact they have had on our lives.

I wonder…
In all of your reflecting, have you ever stopped to reflect upon yourself and your journey as a mother and woman?


What is your story Sexy Momma?
Who are you?

No…I'm not asking about the roles you play and the tasks you undertake.

Who are YOU?

Tell me about that raw soul that emerges when you are being yourself. When you're simply being, without any roles or physical descriptions defining you. When that soul, deep inside, feels free to come out into the world.

Who is that soul? That soul has a story – a beautiful one. A story full of excitement and fear, ups and downs, laughs and tears.

What's her story? Who is she and what journey led her to this moment?

Where is she going next? What are her dreams for the future? The down-to-earth realistic dreams and the crazy -if I could wish for anything- dreams.

What does she truly want for herself? For her children? For her family? From the bottom of her heart, what are her deepest most sacred desires?

You can be completely honest here….No one else is watching. This is your moment to open up and let that soul fly, dream and desire.
 

Listen to her ever so carefully…

What did she tell you?
Where does she want to go?
What does she desire?

She can only live her desires of you allow her to. She lives through you after all. No one is holding her back – except for you.

Will you release her?
Will you allow her the joy of experiencing that which she wants most?

If you let it be. It will be.

Do not be afraid to BE the beautiful soul that is residing inside your heart.

This Mother's Day, love and reflect upon the beautiful women in your life. But most of all, love and reflect upon your beautiful soul.
 

You deserve to be honored, Sexy Momma.


With Love and Sexiness,

Danielle
xoxo
 

Motherhood: Am I Ready for This?

Motherhood: Am I Ready for This?

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Am I Ready For This?

The day I left the hospital with my firstborn, in disbelief that they were trusting this little life completely to my care, I asked myself, “Am I ready for this?” The first night away from the baby, “Am I ready for this?” First day of preschool, “Am I ready for this?” First day of kindergarten, “Am I ready for this?” First sleepover at a friend’s, “Am I REALLY ready for this?” I’m going on my twelfth year of being a mom and I still regularly ask myself the question, “Am I ready for this?” 

This is even truer as of recent. My oldest will be entering middle school this fall. We just had her first school dance and I can already I see a slew of, “Is this actually happening?” moments making their way down the pipe. The thought of dates, driving and unsupervised outings with friends has me feeling more than a little nervous. It’s all right around the corner and I know I have to handle each of these moments with grace if I am going to give my daughter what she needs to be successful.

Sigh…No pressure…

As I look at my daughter, I love everything about her eleven-year-old self. Her heart. Her sense of humor. Her curiosity. Her smile. Her genuine caring spirit. While I want to bottle her up and keep her just as she is for a few more years -at least- I know that she is more than ready for the next step in her journey.

She is ready for middle school and the adventures of sixth grade. She is ready to take on more responsibility and independence. I’m the one who doesn’t want to loosen the reins and trust that her journey is set up to give her the experiences she needs as she is ready for them.

I cried the first day I dropped her off at preschool and the first time she boarded the kindergarten bus. I have a feeling it won’t be any different for the first day of middle school, high school and especially college.

What I realize now, however, is that I am not crying for my daughter, I am crying for me. I am so proud of her and her accomplishments, but that’s not why I cry. I cry for the lack of control I have over the situation. I cry because I’m being forced to let go and trust that everything I have taught and instilled in my daughter thus far will sustain her.

Quite frankly, that scares the shit out of me!

And then I cry more…in fear of something going wrong and finding out that I didn’t do enough to prepare her. I get caught up in my fears and miss the full beauty of the moment that is my child growing into one frickin’ awesome human being.

Thinking back, was I really ready for any of the challenges that motherhood set at my feet?

For most of them, I don’t think that I was. It didn’t matter though, because my children were ready. It was their readiness that forced me to show up. I was forced to stretch and grow and become exactly what they needed. So they could be ready for their next step, before I ever was.

I’m not sure that I’ll be ready for all of the milestones and special moments to come, but my kids will be….and I’ll be there supporting them each step of the way.

 

With Love and Sexiness,

Danielle
xoxo

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